Random thoughts

Wow, I cannot believe how long it has been since I have posted here. Sometimes I wonder if I had kept blogging here maybe my life wouldn’t have flipped upside down the way it did. I doubt it but it is always nice to wonder. So much has happened since 2008. The “dealer fraud” mentioned below was settled and that allowed us a down payment to purchase our first home. We have been in our new home for 2 years this coming April. But, before we purchased our new home we welcomed a new family member into the family. Our baby girl, Rayna Sue. Also, somewhere in there Ray started a new job and somewhere in all of that we starting working together and then we were not. Maybe I will go into detail about all of that another time.

What has really brought me back to this blog was recent events in losing my granny. I talked about her once here. She was a major factor in my life. I spent many and I mean many hours, days, and sometimes weeks of my childhood with her. She taught me my awesome math skills, sign language, and some important values I hold close to my heart. I was blessed beyond belief to have spent her last full day with her. I talked to her, told her what she meant to me and how I thoroughly enjoyed our time together.

But, the day of her funeral was over shadowed by drama, family drama that will always remain unresolved. She would be so disappointed but not surprised. Not surprised because my parents even after 14 years, still cannot get over each other. My mom didn’t want my dad at the funeral and I got upset. I haven’t talked to my mom since. Nasty texts were sent back and forth then, we said sorry in some emails but I feel nothing will ever change.

I feel like this will always been an on going debate all because of a bitter divorce. I just think it is petty that after all these years; people just can’t let things go. What a mess to harbor such feeling around for so many years. What a mess, still after 14 years to put your children in the middle. What a mess, that fight after argument it is still the same song and dance.

I am angry… angry that at 32 years old, this is still affecting my life. But, now, it not only affects my life but my children and husband as well. It affected my time of grieving and over shadowed a day of closure. It’s old and I am tired of it! So what is a girl to do? Nothing. I cannot do a damn thing about it because I cannot control others. As much as I would like to, I cannot make them get over it. It has to be a choice they make on their own. A choice for themselves as well as their children.